Major I-Want-A-First-Name Lorne
Day 1 – Entry 1
Why do I always get stuck with the boring scientists? First, Unas Island. Now I’m in Botanical Hell Gardens. Ugh. I wanna shoot something. Where is Doc
Day 1 – Entry 2
Day 1 - Entry 3
Okay... That is definitely not a dead plant. *pokes dead Wraith repeatedly*
Day 1 – Entry 4
Help me! I'm in Doctor Weir's office alone with Doctor Weir and Colonel Sheppard... The UST is hurting me!
Day 1 – Entry 5
Super… I get stuck with Cocoa Butter Man. Who did I piss off? *headwall*
Day 1 – Entry 6
SPF 100???! Seriously, who did I piss off to get this assignment???
Day 1 – Entry 7
*headshrub* Damn, McKay isn't Ford's BFF. I hope we don't find Ford.
Day 1 – Entry 8
Aw shit, I think we found Ford.
Day 1 – Entry 9
Fuck me, Colonel Sheppard isn't responding. Doctor Weir is not gonna be happy... Am I gonna get demoted? *woobies*
Day 1 – Entry 10
*WTFs McKay* Orange radiation suits… talk about a fashion statement. Ahahahhahah *laughs at McKay*
Day 1 – Entry 11
Glees! I get to order people around. *bg*
Day 1 – Entry 12
Oh God, McKay is putting on his helmet... After spending an episode with McKay, I better survive this season and the next and the next and I want a first name, dammit!
Day 1 – Entry 13
You know, McKay sounds like an Orange Darth Vader. *giggles* Er, ROTFLMAO!
Day 1 – Entry 14
Can I sacrifice McKay to appease the God of Wrath?
Day 1 – Entry 15
OMFG! I am seriously going to sacrifice McKay if he doesn't get off his ass! *gets shot* Fuck. *falls down*
Day 1 – Entry 16
My poor head… Oh look, Colonel Sheppard came back by himself. I should have just stayed in the Jumper and save myself from getting shot again. *headwall* Ow, bad idea.
Day 1 – Entry 17
Someone out there hates me. I stayed in the Jumper this time! Now we have Darts coming through the gate?!
Lieutenant Aiden Ford
Day 31 – Entry 1
*singsong voice* Ford and his gun sitting in the tree K-I-L-L-I-N-G. First dead Wraith. Then stabbed Wraith. Then Ford is happy with his new stash of crack!
Day 31 – Entry 2
Ugh. The Atlantis dorks need to leave already. My butt hurts sitting in this tree... Squirrels are scary... o_O
Day 31 – Entry 3
I'm Stealth!Ford I can sneak up on everyone! Boo! *watches McKay scream like a girl*
Day 31 – Entry 4
Holy shit! McKay + Weapon = Very Bad. *takes gun from screaming
Day 31 – Entry 5
Note to McKay: IMMA NAWT KRAZEE, YO MAMMA, YO!!! IMMA SUPPA FORD!
Day 31 – Entry 5
Note to McKay – Part Deux: I DO NOT HAVE ADHD! Oooh Shiny!!
Day 31 – Entry 6
As I was saying, I DO NOT HAVE ADHD and I'm gonna be the hero and save the Colonel and— Ooh Sparklies!!! *glees*
Day 31 – Entry 7
How many times do I have to tell McKay IMMA NOT KRAZEE!!! RWAR!!
Day 31 – Entry 8
Holy mushrooms! I just shot at Mckay… *emos* I just want to keep my supa-powers! *woobies*
Day 31 – Entry 9
WTF? McKAY SHOT ME! YOU'RE DEAD BIOTCH!
Day 31 – Entry 10
Bwhahahha McKay is hanging upside down.
Day 31 – Entry 11
McKay is still going to die. Mwhahahahha Ooof! *gets knocked over*
Day 31 – Entry 12
RAWR! Mano-a-mano fight with… daggers! RWAR!
Day 31 – Entry 13
Stupid Sheppard interrupting my manly fight with Tarzan because he was jealous. Pfft.
Day 31 – Entry 14
WTF?! Sheppard just shot me too! What am I? Target practice? This is bull shit I'm getting new friends. *jumps in Wraith beam*
Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard
Day 37 – Entry 1
Ford is alive! *angsts* I need a hug! But everyone is here so I'll settle for another eyefucking session with Elizabeth. *eyefucks Elizabeth*
Day 37 – Entry 2
Grrr, Rodney needs to stop interrupting my moments with Elizabeth, yo!
Day 37 – Entry 3
Yay, we get to go save Ford!
Day 37 – Entry 4
Crap, Colonel Skinner found me... If I don't see him, does it mean he doesn't see me?
Day 37 – Entry 5
*headwall* He still saw me...
Day 37 – Entry 6
*plugs ears with fingers* Lalalalalalala… Is Skinner still talking? Lalalalalala
Day 37 – Entry 7
*facepalm* Dammit, I should have stayed on the steps! I had the higher ground! I looked manly! But Geezer Skinner tricked me and I walked down the steps. *pouts*
Day 37 – Entry 8
Skinner is scary when he's pissed...
Day 37 – Entry 9
OMFG! Shoot one
Day 37 – Entry 10
Note to McKay: STFU about your "fair skin" and the UV Index! You need a goddamn tan, aite?! And Aqua Velva is manlier than cocoa butter, yo!
Day 37 – Entry 11
Hee! Glow sticks marks the spot! And our treasure is... Wraith balls that go boom! Hee! Wait that came out totally wrong…
Day 37 – Entry 12
I think Teyla is hearing things. I don't see Ford. Then again it is freaking dark here. Where's our night vision goggles?
Day 37 – Entry 13
Oh, I see. When I call Ford, he doesn't answer, but when Teyla talks they start running? WTF?! *annoyed*
Day 37 – Entry 14
Holy Macaroni! Teyla got shot and did a flip! She didn't stick the landing, so I'll give her 5 points. Wait... does that mean I'm next?
Day 37 – Entry 15
*gets shot* Yup, I'm next... ughhhhhhh
Day 37 – Entry 16
Owie, my head hurts. I shouldn't have headdesked so much. Hey, I'm all tied up. Kinky. *turns around* Damn, it's only Teyla. Not! Kinky.
Day 37 – Entry 17
Oh Schnapps! Angry!Monkey 11 o'clock and heading towards us! Don't make eye contact! *shuts eyes*
Day 37 – Entry 18
*opens eyes* WTF he's still there, and he's got my gun... I bet he can't talk!
Day 37 – Entry 19
Ookaay… He can talk... and he's military. I think I'm in love. *bg*
Day 37 – Entry 20
Note to self: Don't make the Angry!Monkey cry.
Day 37 – Entry 21
Don't eat me! Take Teyla!
Day 37 – Entry 22
Phew! Angry!Monkey doesn't want to eat us yet... I'll let Teyla convince him since
Day 37 – Entry 23
Yay! Saved by the static radio! Tarzan finally left. He made me feel girly… OMG! Not like that!
Day 37 – Entry 24
WTF?! Did Teyla just feel me up? Talk about weird timing. Pfft Alien women.
Day 37 – Entry 25
Huzzah! Teyla and I will sneak up on the Angry Monkey and beat him down! Okay, maybe not... Ow!
Day 37 – Entry 26
Note to Self: Don't try negotiating with Angry Monkeys. They
Day 37 – Entry 27
I can't feel my arms. I think Chewbacca's gun pulled it out of its socket…
Day 37 – Entry 28
Note to self: Shoot first. Negotiate later. *facepalm*
Day 37 – Entry 29
So we trade Beckett for Ford. That's a good deal, right? Beckett is going to kill me… I'll let Elizabeth talk to him. *bg*
Day 37 – Entry 30
Elizabeth is awesome. She ordered Carson to come. Hee! After they remove the transmitter from Ronon, I can adopt him as my own! *goes and hides on the cliff*
Day 37 – Entry 31
Operation with out anesthesia. I think I'm going to throw up. *blech*
Day 37 – Entry 32
Aww… Ronon is sleeping. How cute! Must ask Elizabeth if I can keep him. *hee*
Day 37 – Entry 33
I hear gunshots. Must be McKay.
Day 37 – Entry 34
I hear Wraith Darts. Fuck.
Day 37 – Entry 35
Stupid Ford why did you make me shoot you? Why did you go away? Now Skinner is gonna yell at me. *cries*
Day 37 – Entry 36
Pfft! Skinner can yell at me all he wants. Elizabeth still loves me.
Day 37 – Entry 37
Aww, Ronon is stuck here with us!
Doctor Elizabeth Weir
Day 36 – Entry 1
Rodney, why do you have such bad timing? This is the only scene I have with John. Let me
Day 36 – Entry 2
ARGH! I hate it when John gets lost off-world! That means I get less screen time. That screen hogging h0r.
Day 36 – Entry 3
I sent John to find Ford and they come back with Ronon. Something is wrong here...
Day 32 – Entry 1
Lalala, I have a new outfit and it's only the third episode of the season! Teehee!
Day 32 – Entry 2
OMFG!!! Colonel Sheppard is still eyefucking Weir over Ford angst! Look at me new skin baring top, dammit! *hates on Carson*
Day 32 – Entry 3
Rodney needs a tan. I'm going blind standing next to his pasty whiteness.
Day 32 – Entry 4
I give up. Colonel Sheppard is more interested with a Wraith grenade than me. I'm going to look for Ford. At least he liked me. Hrmph.
Day 32 – Entry 5
I found Ford! *gets shot* Then again maybe not...
Day 32 – Entry 6
Day 32 – Entry 7
OMGBBQHOTNESS!!! Ronon angst! I'm in love!
Day 32 – Entry 8
Finally, the Screen h0r lets me talk to Ronon. *flutter eyelids* Please free us Dirty Sexy Man. I'll show you my new outfit. It's shorter than my old ones. *bg*
Day 32 – Entry 9
*swoons again* Ronon finally walks over to my side, so I can finally see him! I think he likes me! Squee!
Day 32 – Entry 10
Dear Colonel Sheppard,
I am over you, and I am NOT grabbing your ass. I just want to free my hands so I can go after a real man.
Future Mrs. Dex
Day 32 – Entry 11
OMG! Ronon is a real Runner! Runners are HAWT! *panties esplode*
Day 32 – Entry 12
Finally Sheppard left. Now I can be alone to
Day 32 – Entry 13
ARGH! Colonel Sheppard has horrible timing!
Day 32 – Entry 14
Did Doctor Beckett just tell Ronon to strip? Oh yeah.
Day 32 – Entry 15
OMG! Did Ronon just tell me to strip him??? *brain melts*
Day 32 – Entry 16
I will not stare. I will not stare. I will not stare… Oh hell, the camera is focused on his chest. I'm staring.
Day 32 – Entry 17
Doctor Carson Beckett
Day 26 – Entry 1
Great, I enter the episode with Teyla glaring at me... OMG! I was just doing my job! It's not my fault Sheppard and Weir eyefucks in front of everyone now!
Day 26 – Entry 2
OWTF?! Elizabeth wants me to operate on a crazy jungle man?
Day 26 – Entry 3
Och, if I do this, I better be the hero of this bloody episode since I'm risking my life to save Teyla, McKay, and Ford while Wraith are on the way...
Day 26 – Entry 4
Colonel Sheppard, I hate you. You're doing all this for a new puppy. *stink!eyes Sheppard*
Day 26 – Entry 5
Oh bloody hell, why doesn’t anyone listen to me? I'm the doctor for crying out loud! Lie bloody down boy! Lie!
Day 26 – Entry 6
Fine, don't lie down! Just don't eat me if you become paralyzed. Oh, if you're paralyzed that means you can't do anything to me. Score!
Day 26 – Entry 7
Oh noes! Wraith Darts! *grabs biggest gun* I don't know how to use this, but it's a big gun!
Day 26 – Entry 8
Er, were did my patient go? Whatever. Teyla protect me! I want to go home.
Doctor Rodney McKay
Day 33 – Entry 1
OMGWTFBBQ! I was late because I was WORKING! Why is everyone snapping at me?? *woobies*
Day 33 – Entry 2
Who's idea was it for me to stand next to Teyla?? I know I'm pale, but do you have to point it out on screen too??
Day 33 – Entry 3
OMG 736??! I don't want to go there! The UV index there can make you glow in the dark! Look at me! I'm already glowing!
Day 33 – Entry 4
WTF? Everyone needs to stop looking at me. I'm NOT THAT pale… am I? *looks as own hands and blinds self* Crap! I need my eyes for seeing!
Day 33 – Entry 5
Noooooo, they can't make me go out into Radiation Land!
Day 33 – Entry 6
Thank my awesome brain for 100 SPF. Mmm… cocoa butter. Eww, is that Aqua Velva I smell?
Day 33 - Entry 7
Note to self: Do not eat sun block no matter how good it smells.
Day 33 - Entry 8
Great, Major I-Don't-Have-A-First-Name skipped "How to capture Crack!Ford" course. *headtree*
Day 33 – Entry 9
OMG! Major I'm-Gonna-Have-Mutated-Kids-Because-I-Do
Day 33 – Entry 10
Ha! I have me awesome radiation suit. I will not die of radiation like Major Snarks here. *sticks tongue out*
Day 33 – Entry 11
Crap, I can't see with my helmet on… It's all fogged up!
Day 33 – Entry 12
Um... I'm feeling a bit light headed…
Day 33 – Entry 13
Must… take… helmet… off… before… passing… out…
Day 33 – Entry 14
*removes helmet* OMG! I can breathe! Oh noes! The sun! Ack, breathing or radiation, breathing or radiation, I can't decided! Ahhhhhh! *flails* I need to sit down…
Day 33 – Entry 15
OMGWTFKOREANBBQSTEAK!!!!oneoneone!!! Lorne is shot!!!eleventyone!!!11! *spins around* I'm... getting… dizzy…
Day 33 – Entry 16
OMG! It's Ford! I'm a dead man.
Day 33 – Entry 17
I'm melting!!! It's so hot in this 50-pound rubber suit. And Ford has MAJOR ADHD.
Day 33 – Entry 18
Also Ford you are
Day 33 – Entry 19
OMFGWTF?!! Ford just shot at me!!
Day 33 – Entry 20
Mommy! I just shot the crazy man. *runs screaming like a girl*
Day 33 – Entry 21
*gets caught in a trap* FUCK ME!
Day 33 – Entry 22
*still hanging upside down* STFU FORD! SO WHAT IF I'M UPSIDE DOWN???
Day 33 – Entry 23
OMG FORD IS GOING TO SHOOT ME! *flails wildly*
Day 33 – Entry 24
Crap… blood rush, blood rush, I can't really see clearly! OMG FORD STILL WANTS TO KILL ME! *flails some more*
Day 33 – Entry 25
Oh thank God, I was saved by some caveman.
Day 33 – Entry 26
Lesson of the day: Don't talk to strangers that look like cavemen. They might eat you.
Day 33 – Entry 27
Er, I’m still upside down. Help me? Can a head esplode if you hang upside down for too long???
Colonel Steven Caldwell
Day 3 – Entry 1
I look so awesome with in my jumpsuit and shiny head… Yeah, right. I couldn't get Mulder to ph33r me in an awesome suit and tie, who is gonna ph33r me wearing a jumpsuit?
Day 3 – Entry 2
*sigh* Why do I even try to asserting authority around here? Sheppard is going to ignore me like everyone else...
Day 3 – Entry 3
LMFAO! Sheppard tried to intimidate me by standing on the stairs and tried to be manly, but I wasn't listening so he had to come down the stairs. *bg* Ph33r me Sheppard, I'm taller than you even without hair extensions. RAWR!
Day 3 – Entry 4
Everyone needs to stop calling me Skinner! ARGH!
Day 3 – Entry 5
Sheppard is a sucker. Letting Ford go is going to bite him in the ass later. I bet my shiny bald head on it.
Day 1 – Entry 1
Today a Wraith tried to eat me, but I hypnotized them with my Dex Powers so he didn't eat me. But I think he tried to molest me instead...
Day 1 – Entry 2
Fuck! Today a fugly Wraith held me down and implanted a tracking bug in my bellybutton— Er, wrong movie... I mean my neck.
Day 1 – Entry 3
Then they let me run free! So
Seven Years Later
Hey when you are running from Wraith for seven year you don’t have time to stop and update journals! So STFU!
Day 2 – Entry 1
OMFG! How much longer do I have to run???? I need to shower! I'm so dirty and smelly… Though those are the best weapons to keep people away! RAWR!
Day 2 – Entry 2
Yo, Crazy bandanna dude, I'm dirty and bigger than you. Let me pass! RAR!
Day 2 – Entry 3
*gets stunned* Shit, forgot about the Wraith chasing me... *falls down then runs away from Crazy Bandanna Boy*
Day 2 – Entry 4
This sucks. I capture two people who have crappy equipment. I should just kill them. RAWWR!
Day 2 – Entry 5
Yo, Colonel Messy Hair, my dread PWNS your hair. RAWR!
Day 2 – Entry 6
Stupid Sheppard, why did you have to make me angst about my past?? *emos and rubs more dirt on face*
Day 3 – Entry 7
The hot chick speaks! I wonder if her boyfriend is the Crazy Wraith Stabbing Mofo.
Day 3 – Entry 8
WTF is wrong with these people?! I tie them up and shoot them and they still want to help me? No wonder they are always getting their asses kicked. Whatever. I get the better end of the deal here. Suckers.
Day 3 – Entry 9
Sheppard finally left to get me a doctor. So they can suck out the bug transmitter from my bellybutton… Dammit! Wrong movie again! Grrrr.
Day 3 – Entry 10
Me, Ronon; you, Teyla.
Day 3 – Entry 11
Yo, Beckett. I'm Ronon Dex. I can take any pain! RAWR! So cut me!
Day 3 – Entry 12
Oh fuck, this really hurts...
Day 3 – Entry 13
I will not faint. I will not faint. I… will not… faint… I… will… not… *faints*
Day 3 – Entry 14
I took an involuntary nap. Now I'm ready for Man Fight! RAR!
Day 3 – Entry 15
Aww, man fight over. Look man hanging upside down. *poke poke*
Day 3 – Entry 16
Wow, Atlantis is fancy. But not as fancy as Sateda.
Day 3 – Entry 17
I take that back. Sateda is broken. Atlantis wins in fancy. *cries*