AthenaKTT (athenaktt) wrote in vsaj_online,
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athenaktt
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1x01-1x02 Rising

To commence the opening of this community. I bring you the secret journals of the pilot! Rewritten and longer and snarkier and nonsensical than the original, which can still be found in Fanfiction.net and Boredom.reigns.net.

On with the peeping!


Rising Part 1 & 2


Ayiana

Day 1 – Several Million Years Ago
I think my husband just left me... for another galaxy. Maybe the matching outfits were a bit too much?

Oh right, I have a deadly incurable disease... But moving to another galaxy is a bit excessive, don’t you think? o_O



Doctor Peter Grodin

Day 1 – Entry 1
Today I was working on a drone and nearly got killed... I can’t believe they are already trying to kill me in the pilot episode! *flails* Are the TPTB foreshadowing something?! *fears for own life already*

Day 2 – Entry 2
Yay! We’re going to Atlantis! Doctor Weir looks hot giving her speech. I’d totally hit that. *bg*

Day 3 – Entry 1
Yay! We’re in Atlantis!

Day 3 – Entry 2
Yay! Crap, power levels are dropping around the city. But I found a shield on the Atlantis Stargate. Yay! Crap, just wasted more power. *headdesk*

Day 4 – Entry 1
I’m still alive! Just so you know...



Ancient Drone

Day 1 Gazillion... I think. – Like it matters. I’m an inanimate object for Pete’s sake.

*chillin’ like villain... Like I have been for a gazillion years* Hey, who is poking me?! I feel so violated. >_<

Day 2 Gazillion
Someone is still poking me... ZOMG!! Stop violating me!

Day 3 Gazillion
That’s it! *shakes and glows* Fwhoop! I’m outta here! *goes up through elevator shaft and out the dome* Freedom!

Day 4 Gazillion
Crap, got deactivated... Please make the probing stop!! *sobs*



Doctor Carson Beckett

Day 1 – Entry 1
Stupid Ancient gene. *grumbles* I don’t want to sit in the bloody chair anymore! Oh! Rodney is being distracted by Doctor Weir. *makes a run for it*

Day 1 – Entry 2
Rodney forced me to sit on the chair again. Bastard. I bloody told him it was a bloody BAD idea! Nearly blew the General out of the sky! I nearly lost my lunch... again!

Day 1 – Entry 3
Why does everyone pick on me?! *woobies* Mean military people. *raspberries*

Day 2 – Entry 1
I think I lost my breakfast walking through the Stargate. *turns green*

Day 2 – Entry 2
Found a hologram of a pretty Ancient lady. *loops video again*

Day 2 – Entry 3
Oh crap! Power is failing! Mummy! >_<

Day 2 – Entry 4
Phew! We’re still alive! Now I have to pick bullets out of a Wraith arm...

Day 3 – Entry 1
*pokes Wraith arm* Where’s Doctor Weir? I’m getting hungry... *pokes Wraith arm again* Let’s see if the Wraith hand will burn under my ginormous magnify glass. Hee!

Day 3 - Entry 2
Rodney says I need to get out more. Where am I going to bloody go? We are on a bloody floating city on another bloody planet in another bloody galaxy!! *headdesk*



Doctor Rodney McKay

Day 1 – Entry 1
Beckett needs to stop whining and sit! RAWR!

Day 1 – Entry 2
ZOMG! Just because I don’t have the ATA gene, does not give you a right to make fun of me! *glares at Elizabeth* I AM A GENIUS! Ha! Beat that, Little Ms. You’re-my-boss-and-I’m-smart-enough-to-know-I-shouldn’t-piss-you-off-that-is-why-I’m-ranting-in-my-journal-instead... *takes a breath* What was I going to say again?

Day 1 – Entry 3
I wonder who talks faster, Doctor Jackson or me? Why am I even wondering? Of course, it’s me! I’m the ubergenius! I am awesome in everything especially in talking very fast! I’m even faster than the Micro-Machines man!

Day 1 – Entry 4
Finally, got Carson to sit in the damn chair and activate it. *fwhoop!* HOLY CRAP! WAS THAT A DRONE?! I’m a dead man. *hides*

Day 1 – Entry 5
OMG! I’m still alive! *rejoices*

Day 1 – Entry 6
OMGWTFBBQ!!!!111! This so NOT fair. Major Bedhead over here has the Ancient gene and I don’t?! What gives?!

Day 2 – Entry 1
I heart the ZPM! *kisses it before putting it in the generator* I heart my genius brain. *g*

Day 2 – Entry 2
Control room! Squee! *starts playing on consoles*

Day 2 – Entry 3
We’re underwater! Yay, for the force field protecting us... I just jinxed us, didn't I?

Day 2 – Entry 4
We’re underwater?!! The force field is failing! I’m a dead man... *headdesk*

Day 2 – Entry 5
Elizabeth is mean. For once before I die, I want to say “Chevron Seven locked!” But noooooo, Elizabeth had to give me the Lizzie-glare-of-doom! *is afraid*

Day 2 – Entry 6
Power is still failing!! *flails around the control room*

Day 2 – Entry 7
I’m alive! We still have no power, but who cares? I’m alive!

Day 3 – Entry 1
Sheppard may be smarter then he looks. Show off. 720... *grumbles* I’m still the genius, dammit!

Day 3 – Entry 2
Puddlejumper?! Puddlejumper?! Why does he get to name the ship Puddlejumper?! Gateship is more logical. It’s a ship. That goes through the gate. Gateship! Pure logic! I work with lunatics! *headcontrolconsole*

Day 3 – Entry 3
There is a party with a bunch of alien women, and what am I doing? Standing next to Carson... *facepalm*

Day 3 – Entry 4
Someone tricked me into eating something with lemon in it... I’m a dead man... I think.



Doctor Elizabeth Weir

Day 1 – Entry 1
Being the boss is fun! I get to make fun of my slaves team members, and they can’t do anything about it. Bwhahahahah! F33R M3!!!111!

Day 1 – Entry 2
Er... Did Daniel just run by and say something? ZOMG! I can only take one fast talker at a time! *headdesk*

Day 1 – Entry 3
OMG!!!mylittlepony!!111eleventyone!!11!! Atlantis!! *esplodes*

Day 1 – Entry 4
Er... Did a drone just fly up pass the elevator?! Shit. I haven’t even left the facility, and they are trying to break it already. *headwall*

Day 1 – Entry 5
Note to self: Next time Carson sits in a control chair, need to make sure it is out of power.

Day 1 – Entry 6
Who the hell is this?! He is totally perfect for my harem expedition!

Day 1 – Entry 7
I want Sheppard... for my sex expedition team. *bg*

Day 1 – Entry 8
General O’Neill said I if I want Sheppard I can have him. Squee! *makes plans for sex expedition*

Day 2 – Entry 1
We’re going to Atlantis! Yay! We’re going to Atlantis! We’re... If I say that really fast it sounds like my name. Hee!

Day 2 – Entry 2
*daydreams about Major John bedhead* Major Sheppard... bed... mmm...

What was I doing? Oh yeah, video to Simon... “Hi Simon, I’m leaving you for a flyboy another galaxy. kthxbai!”

Day 3 – Entry 1
OMG! We’re really going to Atlantis! OMG! I need to make a speech... *facepalm*

Day 3 – Entry 2
Phew! Speech over! Yay! OMG! Wormhole established! Shiny!

Day 3 – Entry 3
We’re in Atlantis! We’re underwater! *_*

Day 3 – Entry 4
Power is failing?! OMGWTF?! *flails*

Day 3 – Entry 5
OMG! Sheppard just waved to me before leaving for the mission! *flails* It must be love. Hee!

Day 3 – Entry 6
ZOMG! We have to abandon the city?! Why?! *City rumbles* Shit... EVACUATE ALL PERSONNEL!

Day 3 – Entry 7
Sheppard just brought a bunch of dirty little people back with him. I have a feeling this won’t be the last of Sheppard’s strays... *headdesk*

Day 3 – Entry 8
The shield is collapsing! *flails* Did Ford just touch my ass?! *appalls*

Day 3 – Entry 9
*happies* The city is on the surface! I still have a job!

Day 4 – Entry 1
Flyboy has brains! The number 720 never sounded so sexy before. RAWR! *grabs Sheppard and looks for the closest exit*

Day 4 – Entry 2
Oo, pretty balcony! Oo, pretty view! Ooh, Sheppard needs to stop talking about Sumner. Grrr...

Day 4 – Entry 3
ZOMG! I kiss one soon to be dead guy and everyone knows about it because it’s all over the frelling internet. *headdesk*

Day 4 – Entry 4
Hm... Smart, sexy, and has a hero complex... What more can a girl ask for?

Day 4 – Entry 5
“Because it is!” Pfft! What kind of defense is that?! The right thing to do right now is for Sheppard to have sex listen to me right now! RAWR!

Day 4 – Entry 6
The boys found a new toy, and John thinks I brought him here to work the Ancient machines... Ahahaha, silly man, I brought him here for SEX! RAWR! Now where are the damn closets?

Day 4 – Entry 7
*sigh* I should never have let Sheppard go... I just found the closets! *woes*

Day 4 – Entry 8
Sheppard and Co. made it back alive. I need a drink...

Day 4 – Entry 9
Had a party so everyone had an excuse to get drunk can relax. *goes to find sex Sheppard*

Day 4 – Entry 10
Champagne and Level 5 B22... That is all. *devilish grin*



Doctor Daniel Jackson

Day 1 – Entry 1
Found the location of the Lost City! Yay me! It was an eight-symbol address all along. Yay me! Must find Weir and McKay. *runs off*

Day 1 – Entry 2
Didn’t I just tell Weir and McKay to follow me? Maybe I was talking to fast. *headdesk; runs to find Weir and McKay again*

Day 1 – Entry 3
Does this sweater make me look fat?

Day 1 – Entry 4
Must talk really fast to confuse Jack, so he will inadvertently say yes and let me go to Atlantis.

Day 1 – Entry 5
Damn! Didn’t work! *pouts*

Day 2 – Entry 1
Everyone is going to Atlantis but me! No fair! *whines*



Major John Sheppard

Day 1 – Entry 1
I really pissed off the right people... “Hi, I’m John Sheppard. I will be your chauffeur around Antarctica today.” *headdesk*

Day 1 – Entry 2
Is it just me or does General O’Neill look like MacGyver?

Day 1 – Entry 3
Der... I think there is a flying squid on our ass... Time to show off my mad piloting skills. *smirk*

Day 1 – Entry 4
Why is everyone staring at me? Is it my hair?! *ignores and starts wandering*

Day 1 – Entry 5
Everyone is staring at me again! I- I- I- just sat down! And ZOMG! This chair is too small for me!

Day 1 – Entry 6
OMGWTF?!!!111!! I’m a mutant?! Does that mean the X-Men are real?!

Day 1 – Entry 7
Weir totally wants me for sex her expedition. *smirk*

Day 1 – Entry 8
... *blink blink* I think General O’Neill just said, “Go to Pegasus or die! Bitch!” o_O

Day 2 – Entry 1
Walked into the gateroom and saw Colonel Sumner... Time for awkward tension moment!

Day 2 – Entry 2
Doctor Weir is HAWT!

Day 2 – Entry 3
Why does Colonel Doggett Sumner keep glaring at me? Maybe he’s jealous that Weir totally wants me. *smirk*

Day 2 – Entry 4
Oo! Vertical swimming pool Stargate event horizon!

Day 2 – Entry 5
O_o Lieutenant Ford = Crazy kid.

Day 2 – Entry 6
I didn’t touch anything! McKay did it!

Day 2 – Entry 7
We’re underwater!

Day 2 – Entry 8
Oo, pretty hologram lady. I wonder if there any other alien babes in this galaxy...

Day 2 – Entry 9
Sweet! Weir let me tag along with Sumner to find alien babes a safe haven.

Day 2 – Entry 10
OMGWTF?! Everyone need to stop laughing at me. The kid had a fugly mask on, and how was I supposed to know “Halling” was his name?! I thought “Halling” was what you did when you were sliding down waxed hallway floors with your socks!

Day 2 – Entry 11
Jackpot! Hot alien babe in pimp coat at twelve o’clock. *wink*

Day 2 – Entry 12
Wraiths? As in... 1.) An apparition of a living person that appears as a portent just before that person's death? 2.) The ghost of a dead person? Or 3.) Something shadowy and insubstantial? What? So I’m a closeted geek. Definition found in the American Heritage Dictionary.

Day 2 – Entry 13
Teyla wants to show me “something”... Should I be afraid? O_o

Day 2 – Entry 14
Stay cool, John. She didn’t see you fall on your ASS just now. *facepalm* Great now I have dirt on my face. *face... on second thought maybe not*

Day 2 – Entry 15
*imitates Teyla* “We’ve master fire long ago.” *sticks tongue out* Yeah, kick my gentlemanly ego in the balls like that, bitch. Besides, my dinky flashlight is cooler. It found your necklace, which is probably most likely a plot device or a sad attempt at ship.

Day 2 – Entry 16
Oo, Alien comics on the walls! Stick figures! Now this is what I call Art.

Day 2 – Entry 17
Er... Did Teyla just call me a Wraith and runaway? Oh sorry, wrong season...

Day 2 – Entry 18
Crap, Teyla got beamed up... And Sumner got beamed up... Now I have to go and save them. All work and no play makes John a dull boy.

Day 2 – Entry 19
OMGWTF?! It’s Thing from The Addam’s Family! scary cool! *shoots it anyway*

Day 2 – Entry 20
I think Weir is pissed that I brought home the dirty little strays Athosians. Maybe if I smile and beg she’ll let me keep them.

Day 2 – Entry 21
What gives? Why does Ford get to grope protect Weir, and I’m stuck with rice bowl haircut boy...

Day 3 – Entry 1
O_O I think Weir just groped me when she said, “Major, a word.”

Day 3 – Entry 2
I think I just pissed Weir off by mentioning that picture of her and Sumner snogging... Note to self: She looks pretty HAWT when she’s pissed. *wink*

Day 3 – Entry 3
I know I shouldn’t be doing this because I’m a grown man but... SQUEEE SPACESHIPS!! (that look like a Winnebagos) Now Weir has to let me play hero save Colonel Sumner and Co.!

Day 4 – Entry 4
Gateship One? WTF?! That is so gay! Puddlejumper is totally less gay sounding. Maybe McKay is gay...

Day 4 – Entry 5
Puddlejumper = LOVE!

Day 4 – Entry 6
Okay... Ancient Gameboy, where is Colonel Sumner? *hears screams* Okay, never mind.

Day 4 – Entry 7
OMGWTF?! Life sucking aliens? This was NOT in the job description! *keeps shooting*

Day 4 – Entry 8
*gets hits by stunner* I feel all tingly inside...

Day 4 – Entry 9
Crap... Red’s hand is feeling better. She can’t feed on me! I’m the main character!

Day 4 – Entry 10
Ha! Die, Red! Die! ...Shit, little red dots are all over the Ancient Gameboy screen... Run, John! Run!

Day 4 – Entry 11
I’m alive! Now I have to angst about being alive and killing Sumner... And waking up the ENTIRE Wraith population in Pegasus. *headdesk*

Day 4 – Entry 12
Champagne?! I want beer! Damn it!

Day 4 – Entry 13
I think Weir is trying to get me drunk. *smirk* Now where is Level 5 B22?



General Jack O’Neill

Day 1- Entry 1
Ugh. Place I turned into an icicle Antarctica. Daniel better have a good reason for making me come here.

Day 1 – Entry 2
Nothing says “Welcome to Antarctica” like a rogue drone on your ass. Did I mention I hate Antarctica?

Day 1 – Entry 3
*to rogue drone* You shall not pass! *holds hand out* Teehee! It worked!

Day 1 – Entry 4
Underground with a bunch of geeks... Almost feels like home. *zones out*

Day 1 – Entry 5
WTF?! Flying city?! Has Daniel been using the sarcophagus again?

Day 1 – Entry 6
OMGWTF?! What is the point of being a General when no one listens to you?! I said “Don’t touch anything!” *headdesk* Now I know how Hammond feels.

Day 1 – Entry 7
I am the Master of Succinctness! Bwhahaha!

Day 2 – Entry 1
*in response to Daniel’s whining* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!1!!!!!1111!!

Day 2 – Entry 2
Atlantis team gone? Check. Daniel whining? Check. I think it’s time for Carter cake. *bg*



Simon Wallis

Day 1 - Entry 1
Elizabeth left me for another galaxy... Why can’t I get cast with a woman who doesn’t leave me for another world? And why is it that I’m always stuck with their pets? *gets depressed*



Sergeant Bates

Day 1 – Entry 1
OMFG!!!! If I’m supposed to be the resident bully!!! Why are all the geeks talking back to me?!

Day 2 – Entry 1
The Ringwraiths are all around us! We’re going to die! *cries*



Lieutenant Aiden Ford

Day 1 – Entry 1
My job is to stand around with my gun and look pretty. Hee!

Day 2 – Entry 1
I make jumping into puddles backwards look good. *wink*

Day 2 – Entry 2
I make night vision goggles look good. *wink* The Major makes night vision goggles look... DORKY! *snickers* No one is going to read this, right?

Day 2 – Entry 3
Man, Major Sheppard got skillz! He just said Ferris wheels and college football and the babes just start swooning! Damn! But I’m still the pretty boy, damn it!

Day 2 – Entry 4
I got Stargate duty again. Man, it’s BOOORRRIIINNNGG!

Day 2 – Entry 5
Er, I take the last entry back... Three pointy things just flew out of the Stargate! Oo Shiny!

Day 2 – Entry 6
WTF? The ground is shaking! Are we going to die?! I’m too pretty to die!

Day 2 - Entry 7
I didn’t grope Doctor Weir! I was just... er... breaking her fall during the quake...

Day 3 – Entry 1
I thought Gateship One was cool. But nooooo, Major Sheppard had to dash my ego and name the ship Puddlejumper. Sucks being a Lieutenant. *pouts*

Day 3 – Entry 2
Life signs detector, dammit! It’s going to be called the Life signs detector, though “Ancient Gameboy” sounds cool too. Damn, the Major always has to cool ideas.

Day 3 – Entry 3
Why do heroes always end up hauling ass back to spaceship in rescue missions??? *runs after Sheppard*

Day 3 – Entry 4
Teyla came back looking for me. Does that mean I have a shot at getting the girl?! Huzzah! No one can resist the pretty of Aiden Ford!

Day 3 – Entry 5
Doctor Weir is passing out booze! This job rocks! *bg*



Colonel Marshall Sumner

Day 1 – Entry 1
I am Colonel Doggett-1000! F33R M3!!!!111! RAWR!

Day 1- Entry 2
“That would be Doctor Weir, right?” OMGWTF?! Damn Sheppard! I said F33R M3!!!

Day 1 – Entry 3
OMGWTFBBQ?!! First geeks don’t listen to me, then Major I-don’t-comb-my-hair, and now Weir?! I am the ranking military officer, damn it! I want my one episode glory! *shakes fist*

Day 1 – Entry 4
Uh... We’re underwater... I have a bad feeling about this.

Day 1 – Entry 5
Power is failing...

Day 1 – Entry 6
Sheppard is going on the recon mission too?! *facepalm*

Day 1 – Entry 7
*snicker* Sheppard got scared of a couple of kids. Dumbass.

Day 1 – Entry 8
OMGWTF?! We’ve only been on this planet for an hour, and Sheppard is already whoring himself to the alien princess!

Day 1 – Entry 9
Wraith? As in... Ringwraiths? Oh wait, wrong fandom...

Day 1 – Entry 10
Holy shit! The Ringwraith have upgraded their fell beasts to hi-tech fighter Darts!

Day 2 – Entry 1
Ugh! My head... it hurts. And I’m stuck in a Wraith cell that looks like inside of my stomach...

Day 2 – Entry 2
ZGMO! Even the aliens don’t f33r me! *headwall* Where is the Colonel Doggett love?! And my head still hurts.

Day 2 – Entry 3
Had a staring contest with a Wraith... I guess I won because I got to go meet some redhead for dinner...

Day 2 – Entry 4
This is SO NOT FAIR! Sheppard gets the pretty cavewoman alien, and I get the freak of nature! Somebody up there HATES ME!

Day 2 – Entry 5
Must... resist... mind... probe... Ah, fuck it. I’m dead anyway...

Day 2 – Entry 6
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! If you haven’t figured it out, I’m having the life sucked out of me LITERALLY! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Day 2 – Entry 7
Fuck, I’m an old geezer now. Somebody please shoot me! *Sheppard shoots him.* Thank God! *dies*



Teyla Emmagan

Day 1 – Entry 1
Oo, this Major Sheppard is cute. But I’m going to be typical and play hard to get. Okay... not that hard. ;)

Day 1 – Entry 2
WTF is a Ferris wheel and college football? *is confused* I’ll just offer them drugged tea, to keep them here longer. *wink*

Day 1 – Entry 3
Colonel Doggett is having none of my charms. *pouts* Fine, I’ll take Major Sheppard to my cave... Now I sound like a cavewoman. *facepalm*

Day 1 – Entry 4
Heh. We have better lighters than these Earthlings. But this torch makes me look even more like a cavewoman. *facepalm*

Day 1 – Entry 5
Major Sheppard found my necklace! It must be Love!! *smitten*

Day 1 – Entry 6
OMG! The Wraith are here! Can’t wait for Major Sheppard he’s too slow! *sprints away*

Day 1 – Entry 7
Oh noes! The Dart is going to beam us up. Must save Major Sheppard because I luffs him!

Day 2 – Entry 1
Stupid oversized pimp coat... weighing me down... getting me caught... Next time I’m wearing LESS clothing. *all fanboys cheer*

Day 2 - Entry 2
Major Sheppard has come to save me... and everyone else. But he LOVES me!

Day 2 – Entry 3
Major Sheppard returned my head butt greeting. He HAS TO love me!



Wormhole

Day 1 – Entry 1
I’m green! *whoosh*



Atlantis

Day 10,000 something – Entry 1
Still underwater...

Day 10,000 something – Entry 2
Still underwater... Hey, there are people here. *shake and rumbles*

Day 10,000 something – Entry 3
*shakes and rumbles some more and laughs at all the people falling down*

Day 10,000 something – Entry 4
Not underwater... Now I can be Wraith target practice… >_<



Champagne Bottle

Day 1- Entry 1
I am a bottle of Champagne that will boldly go where no champagne bottle has every gone before.

Day 1 – Entry 2
Rollin’, rollin’, rollin’... Oo! Someone picked me up!

Day 2 - Entry 1
*pop*
*fizz*
*gurgle, gurgle, gurgle...*
*is empty*
*is now in a recycle bin... I think...*



Jinto and Wex

Day 1 – Entry 1
Hi, I am Jinto. And I’m Wex! All little boys in Athos have rice-bowl haircuts!



Wraith Keeper

Day 1 – Entry 1
Dyed my hair today. I think I left it on too long... Now my red hair just screams EVIL! *facepalm*

Day 1 – Entry 2
Hee! I just love playing with my food. *pokes Sumner*

Day 1 – Entry 3
Who is interrupting me during my meal?!

Day 1 – Entry 4
RAWR! I am invincible! *sucks more life out of Sumner*

Day 1 – Entry 5
I just totally jinxed myself, didn’t I? *gets stabbed*

Day 1- Entry 6
*hiss*
*threatens*
*hiss*
*threa— dies*
Tags: season 1
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