AthenaKTT (athenaktt) wrote in vsaj_online,

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2x04 - "Duet"

Author's Notes: Since this is an episode where McKay shares his brain with Cadman, I decided to make them share journals too. So I tried to use different fonts in bold to tell the two characters apart when they comment on each other's journals. I hope it isn't too confusing and still funny. Thanks!


Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard

Day 38 – Entry 1
Another day. Another dead planet. I can see this is going to be a boring episode for me... There isn't even a Wraith for me to poke. *sigh*

Day 38 – Entry 2
Did Cadman just say Dart?! OMG!YAY! I can get me a new Wraith pet! I haven't even asked Elizabeth if I could keep Ronon yet… Whatever. A boy can't have too many pets. *bg*

Day 38 – Entry 3
Oh yeah, I need to shoot the Dart down before I can get a new pet to poke. Hee!

Day 38 - Entry 4
Question: Whose idea was it for me to stand right in front of the gate where I can get impaled like a kabob? It's not a pretty way to die... I'm just sayin'.

Day 38 – Entry 5
Note to Lorne: Lorne, your aim sucks. No more big guns for you! No first name for you either. Ha!

Day 38 – Entry 6
How many times do I have to tell Beckett that you don't talk to the Wraith? You poke them. Then poke them again and again and again. Then when they get pissed off you blow their heads off. That's not hard to remember. Poke, poke, poke, and blow his head off.

Day 38 – Entry 7
P.S. If the Wraith is already pissed, skip to blowing his head off.

Day 38 – Entry 8
*to fugly Wraith* Say hello to my little friend! *shoots Wraith*

Day 38 – Entry 9
I'm bored. I'm bored. I'm bored. I'm bored. Will these geeks get Rodney out already? I want to go home and poke my new puppy!

Day 38 – Entry 10
I will not laugh at spazzy nerds. I will not laugh at spazzy nerds. Ahahahahahaha!!! Oops.

Day 38 – Entry 11
I have NOOOOOOO idea what Zelenka just babbled to me about. Did he say pick a dot? I'll pick the shiniest one! Shuddup! Those dots are not the same!

Day 38 – Entry 12
Damn! Yes! I picked the Rodney!Dot... Poor Cadman!Dot. She's a lonely dot now. Prolly better that way, I bet Rodney!Dot is pretty annoying.

Day 38 – Entry 13
I just finished checking up on Zelenka working on the Wraith vomit Dart. *blech*

Day 38 – Entry 14
Oh, I was so grossed out I forgot to finish my last entry. *facepalm* Anyway it's time to play with my new puppy! Ronon!

Day 38 – Entry 15
Aww, Ronon is sitting all alone… And eating with his hands. How... primitive cute? I hope he's housebroken…

Day 38 – Entry 16
Hee! I hope Ronon stays with us. *watches Ronon use utensils* I hope Ronon never gets pissed at me. That poor mashed potato never had a chance. *twitch*

Day 38 – Entry 17
Dude, I total think Rodney's making up having Cadman in his head. He just wants an excuse to hear himself talk more. Whatever. I'm going to play with my new puppy Ronon now. Hehe!

Day 38 – Entry 18
Aww, Ronon really likes beating up playing with his new playmates. Let's watch him beat them up again. *bg*

Day 38 – Entry 19
This is awesome puppy Ronon is pre-trained in assault weaponry. Note to Self: Don't forget to ask Elizabeth for a gun like Ronon's.

Day 38 – Entry 20
Heh. McKay finally admitted I'm cool. What? Out of context he said I was COOL, aite!

Day 39 – Entry 1
What's this?! What's this?! Teyla is trying to take my puppy away from me! Argh.

Day 39 – Entry 2
Note to Teyla: Get your own Puppy of Hawtness! Ronon is my puppy! Elizabeth said so... or she will… And how many times do I have to tell you curtains are not meant to be made into clothes, Fraulein Maria Teyla?!

Day 39 – Entry 3
Hee! No one can ever resist the intergalactic bedhair puppy eyes combo. Not even Elizabeth. Hee! I luff her.

Day 39 – Entry 4
Hee! Elizabeth luffs me too! She's letting me keep Ronon! Too bad I can't poke him like Steve. Though I could poke Ronon, but he might try to cook me then eat me. I'll go poke Rodney then. *bg*

Teyla Emmagan

Day 33 – Entry 1
Hi! My name is Little Miss Obvious. What lines of obviousness do you need uttered today? *tilts head*

Day 33 – Entry 2
Obviouslies of the day #1: Major Lorne is cute!

Day 33 – Entry 3
Obviouslies of the day #2: Is everyone okay? If you had eyes, you can see everyone is okay, duh!

Day 33 – Entry 4
Obviouslies of the day #3: OMG! Ronon is so hawt! Sparring with him is sex!

Day 33 – Entry 5
Saying the Obviouslies of the Day is so tiring. I guess I'll do the splits on my bed and stretch out before my booty call Ronon arrives. Hey, why else would I be wearing "work out" clothes before going to bed? *wink wink*

Day 33 – Entry 6
Ooh, Ronon is smarter than he looks. Using an apology as an excuse for our sexcapades… The guards will never suspect! He's a SMRT boy! Hee!

Major OMG!-I'm-Still-Alive Lorne

Day 2 – Entry 1
Yes! I'm still alive! *fist pump* But I still don't have a first name… *woobies*

Day 2 – Entry 2
Awesome! I'm still alive and I get the biggest gun! Now all the girls want me! Hee!

Day 2 – Entry 3
*headtree repeatedly* I'm still alive, but apparently I can't shoot… Now Colonel Bedhead is going to get all the chicks again. No fair! I still want a first name!

Doctor Carson Beckett

Day 27 – Entry 1
Yay! I get to go off-world to... survey a field of pansies... Wait a minute… Is this supposed to be symbolic???

Day 27 – Entry 2
Rodney has a date with a woman?! I'm heart broken. Is Armageddon upon us??!

Day 27 – Entry 3
What? What? What did Cadman say? Splutter? Splatter? Oh, Scatter! *gets shoved* Oof!! *says hi to the grass*

Day 27 – Entry 4
Owie! *stops saying hi to the grass* Er, Rodney and Cadman disappeared! *flails*

Day 27 – Entry 5
Where do I go?! What do I do?! OMGWTF?! The Dart is crashing towards me!! *flails* I'm going to die! Mommy! *cries*

Day 27 – Entry 6
Am I dead? Do I get to keep a journal in the afterlife? *looks down* I'm covered in dirt… Did they just bury me alive?!

Day 27 – Entry 7
Phew, the crashed Dart missed me. But I'll put myself in harm's way and walk up to the Dart where the Wraith could jump out and eat me... They can't kill me yet! I just got added to the main credits! They promised!

Day 27 – Entry 8
Colonel Trigger Happy saved me from my stupidity killed the Wraith before I could ask him to bring back Cadman... and I guess Rodney too. Boohoo!

Day 27 – Entry 9
Poor Rodney he misses Cadman so much he's making crazy talk. Okay, maybe he doesn't miss her. He just crazy.

Day 27 – Entry 10
Er… Schzoid!Rodney is smiling at me and really creeping me out!

Day 27 – Entry 11
Hm… I heard rumors about his sexuality, but seriously… OMG!!! Is Rodney coming on to me?!

Day 27 – Entry 12
OMFG! He is coming on to me! He just asked me out on a date, and Doctor Brown is just a decoy! *twitch twitch*

Day 28 – Entry 1
This date is Awwkwwward! Hm… But since Laura is still in Rodney's head, should think of this as a double date? That would make it less gay awkward, right?

Day 28 – Entry 2
Rodney needs to stop talking. I'm embarrassed for him. I'm embarrassed for me having to witness how pathetic he is…

Day 28 – Entry 3
*nonstop twitching* Rodney kissed me… OMGBBQ! I knew Katie Brown was a decoy! Ahhhhh! *flails*

Doctor Rodney McKay

Day 34 – Entry 1
Argh, why do we get a girl to be our bodyguard??? Just because Carson thinks she's cute doesn't mean the midget marine has the skills to keep my genius brain safe.

Day 34 – Entry 2
WTF?! How does the midget marine know about my date with Katie Brown?! Midget Marine is a stalker! Ahhh!

Day 34 – Entry 3
Did Carson just call me gay?! That bastard is just jealous that his fake Scottish accent isn't getting him any girls. Ahahahaha!

Day 34 – Entry 4
Girls Poker Night?! Why wasn't I invited? I'm a girl. Er, I like girls!

Day 34 – Entry 5
Note to Cadman: STFU about my pathetic nonexistent love life!

Day 34 – Entry 6
OMGWTF?! Did Midget girl just tell me to STFU?! No! YOU, STFU! Biotch! RAWR!

Day 34 – Entry 7
OMG! Running is bad for McKay! Because McKay cannot run fast. McKay cannot breathe. McKay hurts. And McKay starts talking in third person... McKay feels light headed...

Day 34 – Entry 8
What?! Did Cadman just say to get fatter? *gets beamed up* Doesn't matter now, does it?

Day 34 – Entry 9
Now you see me… And now I pass out... again… *thud*

Day 34 – Entry 10
Oh my God! My head hurts... OMFG!!! WTF?! This is my journal, dammit!!! No, it's not! It's my journal! Get out of my journal, McKay! WTF are you talking about, woman. It's my journal! ARGH!!!

Day 34 – Entry 11
This sux0rs! Not only is Cadman in my head! She has to hijack my journal too?! That little bitch! I'm still here, you know! SHUT UP, Cadman! No, why don't you shut up?! It's my fucking journal! Whatever!! And watch your French in front of a lady!

Day 34 – Entry 12
Great now Beckett thinks I'm crazy too! That's because you are! ARGGGGH!!! Beckett is really cute too! HeeHee! OMG! I don't not need to hear that! Lalalalalala

Day 34 – Entry 13
Note to Zelenka: Zelenka you are Dumb and Cadman is Dumber! Hey!! I resent that!! Whatever! What are you gonna do, hurt me? *raspberries*

Day 34 – Entry 14
OMGWTFASSHATS!!!! I AM NOT CRAZY! OMG! That's what Ford said in the last episodes! *flails* Are you sure you're not crazy? SHUT UP! Ahahahahahahahaha!

Day 34 – Entry 15
Fuck me… I just yelled at my boss. No thanks to Little Mizz Bratty here. If you weren't ignoring me, I— You know what?! Just STFU. Just


Day 34 – Entry 16
Stupid Cadman! Now I have to go see Heightmeyer! I am not stupid! Yes! Yes, you are!

Day 34 – Entry 17
Bitchmonkey! Katie saw me talking to myself… Crap! I forgot about the date we have for tomorrow. I'm destined to be single for life! Hell yeah! UGH! Shut up!

Day 34 – Entry 18
This quack session is pointless. Cadman does not need anymore control. Her voice is more annoying than nails on a chalkboard! Hey! I heard that! Ow, that voice it hurts mine ears!

Day 34 – Entry 19
Um, did Zelenka just say that I screwed up and to piss off? Yeah, Zelenky totally PWNED you back there. OMG! GO AWAY!!! I totally would if I could, genius! ARGAHHHHH!!!!111!!

Day 34 – Entry 20
Mmm... Sleep is good... *conks out*

Day 35 – Entry 1
OMGWTFFragglerock!!!! Where am I? Where are my clothes?! Why am I in pain?! OMG! I've been raped! Yo, Rodney, shut up! I'm still sleepy. I've been raped!! You weren't raped! I hijacked borrowed your body for a run, and traumatized myself when I decided to sleep nekkid. If anyone got raped, it was my poor eyes.

Day 35 – Entry 2
I hate you, Cadman! Ditto! *raspberries*

Day 35 – Entry 3
I am not going on my date with Cadman wasting space in my brain! Yes, you are going on that date! No, I'm not! Yes, you are and it is final! Lalalalallala NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

Day 35 - Entry 4
OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! It's my date with Katie! OMG! OMG! OMG! *hyperventilates* McKay! Breathe! Just do what I say and you'll survive this... I think… OMG! Your advice sucks! No, it doesn't! You suck in general! I'm taking over! What???! No!!!

Day 35 – Entry 5
Finally have my journal body back, but Zelenka didn't fix the machine. *cries* I'm going to be in hell forever! *wails* You're in hell?! I'm stuck in your fat ass body! I'M IN HELL!!!!

Day 35 – Entry 6
Great we're back in another psych session. It's all Heightmeyer's fault! No, it's you're fault for being a control freak! STFU! Cadman! *vein pops*

Day 35 – Entry 7
See, what Heightmeyer and Cadman did?? They made my brain hurt! Now I'm going to die! *sobs* Actually, I'm going to die... Oh yeah… Yay! Sorry.

Day 35 - Entry 8
Eureka! No, not the show! Cadman just gave me an idea! I can get rid of Cadman sooner! WTF does that mean?! OMG I'm going to die, aren't I?

Day 35 – Entry 9
Yes, yes! We're going to survive! Wait!!!! What?! Before I die, I need to do something. WTF?! *kisses Carson*

Day 35 – Entry 10
Nooooooooooo!!!! I kissed Carson… in front of EVERBODY! The McGay jokes are going to come back again. *facepalm*

Day 35 - Entry 11
Owie, my head. No more brain stalking please!

Lieutenant Laura Cadman

Day 1 – Entry 1
Carson Beckett is so cute. I ♥ him. *teehee*

Day 1 – Entry 2
McKay is such a dork. My goal today is to make McKay squirm. Mwhahahaha!

Day 1 – Entry 3
Booya! I just mentioned Katie and McKay's face is turning red. I think he's head is gonna explode too. Awesome! I can hear his head buzzing...

Day 1 – Entry 4
Oops, that buzzing was a Dart. Fuck. *runs for her life*

Day 1 – Entry 5
This sucks donkey balls! I get the two guys who literally can't run or scatter to save their lives! First priority, save the future boyfriend Beckett! *shoves Beckett to the side*

Day 1 – Entry 6
Finally, I have my journal back. Mckay is fat. No, I think you mean PHAT! Pretty Hawt and Tempting! God no! I mean FAT as in Fat Ass, Fathead, Fat Face, Fat boy, Fatty— Okay, I got it! STFU!!! It's my journal I can write whatever I want, Fatty!

Day 1 – Entry 7
Er, I think I need a technobabble fish. I have NO clue what Zelenky just said.

Day 1 – Entry 8
Hmm, Rodney is ignoring me. *mentally pokes Rodney* Poke, poke, poke, poke! Rodney, Rodney, RODNEY!!! OMFG! JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP! Bwahahahaha! *giggle fits*

Day 1 – Entry 9
Dude, McKay totally suxors at flirting. He's so lucky Katie likes freaks! He soooo needs my help. Hey! I'm not a freak! And I DO NOT need help from a teenybopper! Uh huh, whatever, McLoser!

Day 1 – Entry 10
Ooh, I like Doc Heightmeyer. She figured out a way for me to hijack borrowe McKay's body later. Heehee!

Day 1 – Entry 11
This totally sux! We have to sleep in Rodney's room?? Fuck that... I'm leaving. *hijacks McKay's body*

Day 1 – Entry 12
Ooh, I can totally do some stalking recon on Carson's love for me. Teehee!

Day 1 – Entry 13
OMG! Carson is so cute! And McKay's body is NOT cute. Just because of that, I'm making McKay look as gay as possible.

Day 1 – Entry 14
Mission accomplished. Booya!

Day 2 – Entry 1
Rodney is such a light-weight just one glass of wine and I have full control of his body! Awesome! Time to do some damage seducing. *wink*

Day 2 - Entry 2
Score, I rock the ladies! Hm… Since I technically kissed Katie, does that count as a girl-girl kiss? Rodney is pretty pansy-ish I guess it counts. No, it does NOT count. I am manly and not a bratty snot like you! Whatever, McKay! Talk to your own hand. WTF?!!

Day 2 – Entry 3
Hehe, I literally PWN Rodney's body right now! Mwhahaha! Stop it! STOP IT!!! Rodney, you are such a wuss that a girl can takeover your own body.

Day 2 – Entry 4
OMFG! Shut up, Cadman! Hey, this is my journal. Just for that I'm making you look like a Schzoid Spaz! *McKay spazzies* STOP IT! STOP IT!!! Ahhhhh!!! I have to go to the damn lab, bitch! Fine, whatever. *rolls eyes*

Day 2 – Entry 5
Yes, I'm finally pretty again! And I don't have to spam Rodney's journal hehe. And I can seduce Carson!

Doctor Radek Zelenka

Day 12 – Entry 1
First time off world! I'm scared! Whee?? *woobies*

Day 12 – Entry 2
I must save Rodney! *Zwoph!* OMGWTF! WRAITH???!!! *flails*

Day 12 – Entry 3
Phew! It was a false alarm… Somebody hold me!

Day 12 – Entry 4
Why does Colonel Sheppard look at me funny? What?! When I'm scared I talk a lot... kind of like Rodney… I miss Rodney! *cries*

Day 12 – Entry 5
Okay, I don't miss Rodney anymore. Doctor McKrazee is a mean asshat!

Day 12 – Entry 6
Doctor McKrabby is also talking to himself very loudly… It's not like he has to yell. Cadman is in his head, right? Can't he just whisper to her instead?

Day 12 – Entry 7
Ha! For once I can't tell Rodney is wrong! Oh no! Does that mean the world is going to end? Because that's what Rodney always tells me… Ack! *runs and hides*

Day 13 – Entry 1
OMG!YAY! Rodney figured out how to save himself. Now I won't be alone again! Er, that totally came out wrong... >_<

Doctor Elizabeth Weir

Day 37 – Entry 1
Yay! For once I don't have to listen to McKay talking! Is Rodney drooling in his sleep again? *snerk*

Day 37 – Entry 2
Aww, Carson has a crush on Cadman. Boys, you save them once and they want to have your babies. *rolls eyes*

Day 37 – Entry 3
Rodney yelling at himself is very disconcerting. But to ease the discomfort I suggest everyone to point and laugh at him. *bg*

Day 37 – Entry 4
Okay… Seeing Rodney tell himself to STFU a hundred times is too weird. I’m sending him to Heightmeyer to examine his brain. Hee! John agrees with me. *smiles*

Day 37 – Entry 5
*facepalm* I should have know there was a reason John was following me around like a good puppy. He wanted to keep Ronon and sex. *sigh* Boys.

Day 38 – Entry 1
Why do I always fall for John's adorkably sexy charms??! Because he's a hot manipulative bastard, I'm demoting him back to Major for this episode. Ha! Who's the boss? That's right! Me! RWAR!

Day 38 – Entry 2
Aww, Ronon is so cute. He wants to play with his new playmates. I hope he doesn't hurt them too much. I guess I'll let him stay. John looks ridiculously cute when he is begging me. *wink*

Day 38 – Entry 3
Hm, John is still stalking me. Maybe he found out about the one episode demotion and wants to make it up with sex.

Day 38 – Entry 4
Bah, he just wanted to talk about his new puppy. Next week you're on your own, Buster! RAWR!

Ronon Dex

Day 4 – Entry 1
Ronon like food. Ronon like to eat food with bare manly hands! Yummy! Rawr!

Day 4 – Entry 2
Porcupine hair dude talking to me... Can't he see him busy eating?!

Day 4 – Entry 3
Ooh shiny sharp things to kill my food with! *stabs mashed potatoes* Did Sheppard ask me to stay? *stabs food again*

Day 4 – Entry 4
Sheppard gave me four pansy boys to beat up. Come on! Give me something more challenging! RAR!

Day 4 – Entry 5
Dude, first, I beat four pansy playmates now I get dinky gayass guns? You're P-90 has got nothing to my gun, yo! *shoots ginormus hole in target*

Day 5 – Entry 1
Teyla is a much better playmate for sex sparring then those pansies I fought yesterday.

Day 5 – Entry 2
Heh. I think Sheppard is jealous. Oh yeah, everybody wants me. *wink*

Day 5 – Entry 3
Note to self: "Sweeping a girl off her feet" does not mean literally sweep her off her feet… But Jane Teyla seems to like it. Score one for Tarzan!

Day 5 – Entry 4
I hear McKay has a date. Sheppard is probably with Weir. I might as well make my own booty call and "apologize" to Teyla. *wink wink*

Day 5 – Entry 5
Wow, Sheppard really wants me to stay. Now he's sending me his woman for sex to convince me to stay.

Day 5 – Entry 6
Wait, did Weir just say Major Sheppard? I thought he was a Colonel… Ooh, he must have pissed her off to get a demotion for the episode. *Ph33rs Weir*

Doctor Katie Brown

Day 1 – Entry 1
I don't know why everyone thinks Rodney is weird. He is so cute! But he talks to himself a lot. I'm so happy our date is still on!

Day 2 – Entry 1
Yay! Rodney will be here for our date any minute! *prepares dinner table*

Day 2 – Entry 2
Carson? OMG! Did I get drunk and mistaken Carson for Rodney again?

Day 2 – Entry 3
Phew! Silly Rodney invited Carson without telling me. Why would he do that??? Is Rodney bisexual?? But everyone tells me he's asexual!!

Day 2 – Entry 4
OMG! Rodney kissed me! Now I can disappear forever! *squee*

Doctor Kate Heightmeyer

Day 3 – Entry 1
*sigh* McKay is back. I hope he doesn't cry on me again…

Day 3 – Entry 2
Heh. McKay has to share his brain with Cadman. This is probably the only time McKay is part of a couple! *giggles madly*

Day 4 – Entry 1
When did I get cast in Stargate: Lord of the Rings?? *stares at Schzoid!McKay*

Day 4 – Entry 2
OMG! Gollum, Smeagol. Stop arguing! and kill the hobbits already!

Day 4 – Entry 3
Oh crappity crap crap crap! Gollum's brain just esploded! Somebody call 911 Beckett!

Day 4 – Entry 4
Okay, I've had enough crazy people for the day. I'm taking a break until the end of the season.
Tags: season 2
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